We Must Rally Together to Stop this Spread of Evil

I'll admit it, I'm a sado-masochist. But instead of ball-gags and leather gimp masks, I get my perverted kicks from listening to the inane, rambling, bat-shit fucking crazy words of Glenn Beck. I swear to Christ I get a throbbing anger boner every time he opens his chubby mouth to riff about government re-education camps ran by FEMA (seriously), theorizing that ACORN is out to assassinate him (again, seriously), and perhaps best of all, suggesting that the animated movie "Happy Feet" was a propaganda film made to indoctrinate youth into"believing in the myth of global warming." It's like he's a real life version of Dennis Hopper's character in Apocalypse Now, only with breath reeking like Ayn Rand's rotten cunt.

One should take most of this shit with a grain of salt. It's no secret Beck's target audience are the same people that have above ground pools and earnestly laugh at the Bill Engval show. But Beck will commit a horrendous crime against every lover of good taste in the country on June 4th when he launches his "Beating life into my impotent cock whilst watching old 8mm films of the Holocaust" comedy tour (at least that's what I think it's called). A comedy tour? Seriously a fucking comedy tour? If the thought of Glenn Fucking Beck going on a motherfucking comedy tour doesn't make fluid shoot out of every orifice in your body, then do yourself favor and drink a bottle of Drano.

The words "Glenn Beck" should never be in the same sentence as "comedy tour", unless of course it's directly followed with "was cancelled after the host tragically contracted the Ebola virus." Ol' pre-pubescent boy-face has a personal note about it on his Web site:

"I've got a brand new stage show that's all comedy about common sense (seems it's not so common these days). Look, the headlines have you and me crying--we might as well laugh a little before Comrade Obama has us all wearing fur hats and waiting in line to buy toilet paper. My comedy tour will be traveling all over the country, and I want you and your family to come out and have some fun. It's going to be a great time and I'd love to say hello (though forgive me if I sweat on you a little while I'm doing it). "

Get it!!!! Comrade Obama!!!! haha because he's a communist!!! ha ha

I would rather rip off all of my skin and roll around in a pit of glass shards and rock salt than sit through this laugh riot. We as Americans can't stand for this blatant ass-rape of comedy. What will follow if we let Beck proceed with something as oxymoronic as a comedy tour? the Mike Tyson cuddling extravaganza? the Rush Limbaugh health eating hour? the John Mark Karr preschool sing-a-long?